August 17, 2020

People think being alone makes you lonely, but I don’t think that’s true. Being surrounded by the wrong people is the loneliest thing in the world.”– Kim Culbertson

After you go through a break-up or get ghosted or something similar, it can bring up some pretty deep pain. When I had my last break-up, it made me feel angry, shocked, and abandoned among others. But it was the loneliness of wondering if anyone would ever want me that hurt pretty bad. This is a feeling I have heard again and again over the years of helping grieving partners move on again. It’s a hard process.

Loneliness can come up when you are surrounded by a lot of people who don’t seem to see you. Like that time you went out with your marital friends and you felt like a third wheel or a problem to be fixed. You feel invisible, like a ghost.  And when you feel this sense that you don’t matter to your environment you start to believe you are all the bad things that have ever been told to you. You see, your internal mind can be brilliant at painting a picture of negativity. The brain is biased towards negative things, meaning…it keeps us safe by alerting us to danger but it doesn’t always know when the danger is imaginary or even just useless worry.

Dealing with loneliness can be a hard to endure, especially when blaming yourself might seem like a good idea. Let’s look at a few ways to cope when this feeling gets triggered in context of a break-up or being single:

  1. How much time do you spend alone? Going to work and coming home with no other social or recreational experiences will feed into boredom that can cause loneliness to slip into the picture.

    • Include hobbies into your weekly routine
    • Experience nature and outdoors daily
    • Have lunch with friends, neighbors, mentors, or even online buddies
    • Meet people by joining a hobby or special interest group like 
  2. Do you have have new experiences? When you heal from a break-up, it can help you heal by having accomplishments and new experiences to help unanchor you from the past.

    • Choose one physically challenging activity or exercise like a beginners dance class or wood working class 
    • Join one body-mind activity like meditation, yoga, or Thai Chi
    • Find one social activity either virtually or in your local community like a book club or support group
  3. Do you have a support system? You may not have people you feel connected to and this can intensify your suffering. 

    • Do you talk to anyone on the regular?
    • Who knows your pain story out of all your friends?
    • What group of people are your emergency contacts? 

These brief tips are not inclusive of a complete healing process, but will give you a few things to experiment with as you learn what heals your heart. Difficulty with this process may indicate you need more to heal. So when you are ready, we are here to cheer you on!📣

You are invited to join our community and see if that helps you feel the loving support many singles need to heal…

About the Author Shawn Davis

I'm Shawn 🙋‍♀️, the leader and founder of Renew The Love. I'm on a mission to use my 20 years of relationship experience to create a community just for mending your broken heart and getting energized to date in a way that makes your next love last. I have a Social Work degree and have been licensed to practice therapy in Florida since 2003 where I have helped hundreds of people build healthier connections and lives. Let's see what we can accomplish together.

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